Brutally Good Roasts (75+ That'll Make Them Cry for 2023)

Need good roasts? Want good clean roasts for friends? You've come to the right place. Not every argument in a disagreement is solid, factual, and tidy. Sometimes while we are debating, our adversaries, friends, or other individuals try to hurt our feelings. Therefore, we always require strong retorts and roasts to protect ourselves and get them to stop talking.

Obviously, roasts are not limited to debates. It is a form of black humor that may make gatherings of friends and family fun. All you need to do to liven up your monotonous meals or draining evenings is to know which roast is appropriate at any given time. Be cautious because some of them are rather offensive, so you should probably avoid using them around your loved ones.

good roasts

Good roasts - most savage roasts

Did your mom take too many drugs when she was pregnant with you?

Your face makes onions cry.

If you look up ugly in the dictionary, your name comes up.

You would make a happy meal cry.

I think it was your parents job to birth the ugliest child in the world.

Remarkably dumb people often think you're intelligent.

You have such an ugly personality that many you could make dogs cry.

It's weird, the smell of your breath might be why the middle finger sign got created.

If you were a dog, they would put you down the moment you got born.

It's hilarious watching you try to say something intelligent.

Everyone's entitled to act stupid here and there, but you really stretch the limit, don't you?

good roasts for kids

Good clean roasts for friends

I didn't realize being your friend would be this hard.

They should probably give me an award for being your friend.

Did you know that your mom is paying me to be your friend?

I have these things called mints, do you want to try them?

The way that you act is kind of like how I would think vomit would act if it could.

Our friendship is what my bathroom smells like in the morning.

Did you know they invented this thing called toothpaste?

clean roasts for kids and adults

Roblox best roasts

You couldn't build anything if you had legos.

Is your mom playing this game with you?

I would say that you know how to play this game, but clearly you don't.

You bring me so much joy, just watching you try to play this game.

Oh yeah, I forgot the world revolves around your character.

I wonder if Microsoft will sell Roblox after watching you play this game.

I couldn't pay someone to watch you play this game.

roast jokes for everyone

Best roasts for haters

It's interesting that you hate on me, since you clearly were born for a good laugh.

Someone gave your parents bad advice, I can tell you that.

Did you ever eat a glue stick growing up?

You kind of make stupid people look really smart.

If you put your entire vocabulary into a book, it would be 2-pages.

You are why they say, "accidents happen."

Your parents really must have been happily married before they had you.


Really really good roasts - brutal roasts

You are the reason God created toilet paper.

Your own ego is larger than the universe.

Did you ever eat make up growing up?

If there was a drama queen, you would be the whole royal family.

It's kind of funny, you are the reason why your parents fear success.

Your nasty look is better than what your face looks like now.

Good story, I wasn't listening.

When it looks like I'm listening, I'm actually just visualizing duck tape or something incredibly random. It's more engaging than what you have to say.

Related: Funny Insults

You are kind of like the human version of fecal matter.

Your parents really had a brighter future before you were born.

When shampoo bottles say rinse and repeat, do you just stay in the shower all the time?

roasts for your friends

Best roasts for fake friends

It's funny that you think we are actually friends.

Can you walk past me again so I can fart?

I was truly the happiest person before we met.

I could fit your entire vocabulary into my pocket.

You will spend your entire life trying to find meaning.

Do you think a slow cooker makes food quickly or what?

I'm just being brutally honest, you aren't very good looking.

If I had to describe you in one sentence, it would be one sentence too long.

roasts for your brother and sister

Roasts for your brother

I'm pretty sure that I'm the favorite in the family.

If we were twins, I would have consumed you in the womb.

When the doctor saw you, he had a really incorrect opinion about our family afterward.

Did you see all my trophies in my room? Where are yours?

You are the reason why they say that looks cut skin deep.

Real heroes are the ones who have to listen to you all day long.

When people see us side-by-side, I bet they think, "Oh look, there goes the good looking one."

Good comebacks for roasts

If I'm telling you something with brutal honesty, it's that I didn't hear a word you just said.

It's really a bad idea to speak, your breath is terrible.

That was a smarter statement than I've heard you ever say.

Seriously, if you compliment dogs, it's probably considered animal abuse.

Do you think this hurts my feelings? The only thing that hurts is my eyes when I'm looking at you.

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would ask your mom to talk to me.

You are the reason why they put a warning label on seat belts.

Don't you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?

roasts for fake friends

Fortnite roasts

I would say good game, but you would have to know how to play the game first.

Is your character sick or something? Why do you look this way?

I can't believe that there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you to play this game.

Your character looks worse than a baby's diaper rash after having no cream on it for weeks.

Related: Southern Insults

I've been called worse things, like, my name, from your moms mouth.

You could spend your whole life trying to play this game and probably not get any better.

They'll never be able to sell this game if you keep playing it.

Truly, no matter how much time you spend, you'll never get good. You should just stop playing this game.

witty comebacks for girls and boys

Witty comebacks

I'm so sorry if my brutal honesty inconvenienced your ego.

So much stupid information comes out of your mouth, it's kind of unbelievable.

I don't know if I should insult you or congratulate you for saying something without drooling.

I can't tell if you were just trying to speak for the first time or not.

Truly, I don't understand what language you are speaking.

And the best part is that you think what you just said was funny.

Related: Funny Insults: The best funny insults you can use.

Kids roasts

How is it possible that they don't ask you to stay outside after recess?

Teachers probably sigh when they hear they have you for the school year.

Is that your mom that comes to pick you up or a monkey?

You are a fart sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

It's weird, you have such a beautiful face for a pile of garbage.

We say we want to play tag but really we all just want to run from you.

roasts for girls

Roasts for bullies

You know, I bet you're just jealous because I have a mom and a dad.

It's weird, picking on me probably makes you feel good, because nothing else does.

If you want me to help you with your schoolwork, let me know.

Teachers here probably assume you are going to go to prison.

You have so many gaps in your teeth, I bet food just goes right down.

I would put a brown bag over that personality if I could.

Google wouldn't even understand all this stupid information you say.

I don't really have an English to dumbass dictionary to determine what you just said to me.

roasts for your sister

Roasts for your sister

Is that how you do your makeup? Is the goal to look this way?

I think you need to wash your hair more or else we won't need to buy olive oil for a long time.

We should all be donating to your makeup fund, just saying.

Truly, there is nothing I can say to you and have you understand it.

The boys locker room smells better than your feet.

It's really going to be hard for you to get a boyfriend, isn't it?

I'm pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun, not you.

Your ugly roasts

You're so ugly that I think you should take up a career in radio.

I don't think that you should avoid wearing make up.

It's kind of sad what happened to your face... Oh wait, that's how it has always looked?

I think it's becoming acceptable to wear masks in public now, just saying.

You should really start investing in your personality.

I don't even know if Jesus would love you.

Your face is the reason I prefer animals.

Good funny roasts for fat guys

Is it hard to wipe your own butt or what?

I should call you a smart ass because your butt is truly all I can see.

It's funny, you're just an ass with a mouth.

Could you please save some food for the rest of the world?

I would say some funny comebacks right now but the way you look is the best comeback of all.

I'm surprised the ground isn't cracking right now.

It's weird, I'm trying to think of an insult dumb enough to where you wouldn't want to eat it.

Paint chips are not for eating, just so you know.

Roasts for short people

I can't hear you from up here, could you speak louder?

Do you want me to get a ladder so you can join us up here?

Is it weird staring at everyone's belly buttons all day long?

There's going to be some special jobs in this world that you can do.

I really only foresee you being a horse jockey, that's it.

Do you have to shop at Baby Gap or what?

I didn't realize that there was a shirt size XXXXS.

author: patrick algrim
About the author

Patrick Algrim is a Certified Professional Resume Writer (CPRW), NCDA Certified Career Counselor (CCC), and general career expert. Patrick has completed the NACE Coaching Certification Program (CCP). And has been published as a career expert on Forbes, Glassdoor, American Express, Reader's Digest, LiveCareer, Zety, Yahoo,, SparkHire,,, FairyGodBoss,, St. Edwards University, NC State University,, Thrive Global,, Work It Daily, Workology, Career Guide, MyPerfectResume, College Career Life, The HR Digest, WorkWise, Career Cast, Elite Staffing, Women in HR, All About Careers, Upstart HR, The Street, Monster, The Ladders, Introvert Whisperer, and many more. Find him on LinkedIn.

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